The most traumatic doctor visit. EVER.

Whew, this morning was rough.  Oh, my heart when it comes to Brady.  As much as I want to just move on and never look back at all the health issues with Brady, its just not possible.  Thankfully, that sweet boy doesn't truly remember all that he went through.  I asked him just the other week if he remembered when he had to stay in the hospital for several days.  He has no memory of it...his brother on the other hand remembers he got to eat cake when visiting so thinks you get cake when staying at the hospital.  But, even though Brady does not hold the memories, thank goodness, the trauma is ingrained in him.  He becomes a different kid completely when we go to the doctor.  Up until a few months ago, Brady wouldn't even step on a scale to get weighed with out FREAKING OUT.  And while we have made major progress when it comes to how he reacts at doctor visits, it is still awful.  I posted this picture on instagram a few weeks back documenting what I thought was a rough go of it with Brady at the doctor.  If I only knew what the future held.  HA!

Brady did not want the doctor looking in his ears and we had to pin him down so the doctor could look and also scoop some wax out.  He became so upset he busted a bunch of capillaries in his face and neck and back.  So, imagine my excitement leading up to today, an appointment at the ENT.  Brady had tubes put in when he was nine months old.  One of the tubes has still not fallen out.  If left in the ear for too long, it can cause a perforated ear drum and further issues.  The doctor was confident it would fall out on its own and at each follow up visit he kept buying Brady more time, as the tube was just so close he thought to coming out and otherwise would require surgery to remove.  While the recent visit to the pediatrician did not go well looking in his ears, I was feeling hopeful for today's visit, as the last time we went to the ENT he was a rock star patient and shed no tears.  Brad and I have found Brady does best if you prep him for what he is going to go through instead of just springing it on him last minute.  So, I talked to Brady about what the doctor was going to do...look in his ears, and then we'd be on our merry way.  No poking or prodding.  Oh, why did I have to say that?!!!  NEVER PROMISE WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW!
After looking in Brady's ear, the doctor said that the tube was stuck inside a bunch of wax in the ear canal and he really felt like he could get it out in the office without having to undergo surgery.  We had to move into a special room and he said, "He will not like this."  My heart sank.  A normal child wouldn't like this, let alone Brady who can't even have a flash light to his ear without gagging and throwing up.  They made him lay back in a chair (think a dentist chair) and one nurse pinned down Brady's head, while another nurse pinned down Brady's legs and I pinned down his arms, as he screamed bloody murder and tried to break free.  As hard as it is to watch, sadly I'm sort of used to it.  So, I was just trying to soothe him as best I could.  But then the "procedure" started and Brady let out the loudest blood curdling screams you could imagine, he looked right into my eyes and yelled, "MOMMY!  MOMMY!"  Pleading for me to save him from the pain.  My heart felt like it broke into a bunch of tiny pieces and I couldn't be strong for a second longer.  Tears started rolling down my face.  He removed a large amount of the most awful bloody gunk from his ear you could EVER EVER imagine.  Along with a teeny tiny tube.  Oh good, we're done, I thought.  NOPE.  He then turned on a loud machine, that was a vacuum device he put inside Brady's ear and drained out blood from his ear. Then put in antibiotic drops.  Then we were done.  As soon as the nurses released their hold Brady jumped into my arms, with his body wrapped around mine.  And I started to do the ugly cry.  I immediately made myself get it together and soothed my sweet boy as only a momma can.  But, oh my heart.
There is now actually a hole which isn't good but the doctor is hopeful it will heal on its own without having to do surgery.  We will get to go back to his office in two months to find out.  Xanax anyone?