Shaking it Up

Some weeks I swear I'm living in the movie Groundhog Day.  Same thing day in and day out.  I felt like I needed to shake things up a bit.  I remembered the other day that we are lucky enough to live down the street from the Heard Museum and we hadn't been in awhile so made a plan to go today and enjoy the weather before it becomes so unbearably hot.  I snapped this picture with my iPhone and I don't know why but I just love it.  Surrounded by such beautiful things and sometimes I tend to forget to just stop and take it all in...to realize the beauty and wonder in the small things.  This picture makes me take pause.  Love it. 
And have I mentioned I also love these two little guys?

We walked one of the trails and there were hundreds of butterflies.  Landing on our shirts and arms and legs and heads.  Beautiful butterflies.  Then the boys dug for dinosaur bones.  Since we left Blake hasn't stopped giving me hugs and kisses and telling me how much fun he had.  Maybe he needed a shake up to his weeks too! 

Brothers.

Last night as I was watching the boys play and laugh together I thought about the time, towards the end of my pregnancy with Brady, when I worried like crazy about how much bringing another baby into our family would rock Blake's world.  Many nights I would end up in tears (I'm sure the raging pregnancy hormones had nothing to do with that) thinking about it all.  Would Blake feel less loved?  Would his loving and sweet personality be diminished once our attention had to be shared?  I was terrified.  I cried to my mom about it and she reminded me, "Giving Blake a sibling is one of the greatest gifts you'll ever give him." Her comment made sense, it really did.  After all, I couldn't imagine having grown up without my big brother.  I knew I always wanted to have two kids and hoped they would be as close as my brother and I.  But still, I worried.  I just didn't know if Blake would be suited to be a big brother. 
I watch these two brothers together now and my heart swells with pride and love and gratitude.  They play together all day every day.  Laughing, wrestling, giggling, learning, tickling, exploring, sharing.  They hug each other every night before bed and every morning when they see each other again.  They are the greatest gift to the other they will ever have.  Best Friends.  Brothers. 

Holiday Reflections and Thanks

Our holiday weekend celebrating Passover and Easter has come to an end.  With any holiday, you tend to reflect back and give thanks to all the blessings in your life.  This weekend has been no different.  Our family has been through hell and back with Brady's health issues.  Along the way I've allowed myself to break down at times, but for the most part I held my self together because that's what you do when you're a parent.  You stay strong and keep on truckin' for your kids' sake.  And now, that thankfully we've had several months of really great health for Brady, I have thought back on all we have gone through.  Out of all the tests, hospital stays, health scares and worry along the way, the single scariest and worst few moments of my life was when I held Brady in my arms, not breathing and he turned blue and his entire body went limp in my arms.  The look in Brady's eyes during that moment, I just will never be able to shake it.  I am crying as I'm typing this just thinking about that moment.  
But God's will was not to let Brady go.  Brad was there and saved Brady's life.  Just let me repeat that, Brad SAVED OUR SON'S LIFE.  My love has certainly grown over the thirteen years we've been together.  My love for Brad grew exponentially when I saw him holding Blake for the first time and more and more each day, witnessing the kind of father he is to our two boys and the kind of husband he is to me.  But there is love that is beyond words for the one that saved your baby's life.  This holiday weekend, I am grateful, I am blessed, to be the wife of such a special man and the mom of TWO amazing boys. 

What a perfect picture for our family.  At our Passover Seder, Brady holding an Easter egg!

Besties

Hard to believe its been over a year ago since I pulled the boys out of their school to stay at home.  Blake was attached to the hip with his little girlfriend Sophie and they've only seen each other a handful of times since last March.  The last couple of times Blake has seen Sophie he was pretty shy and reserved and was happier hanging with his bud Brady.  So, when Sophie's mom e-mailed and asked if we'd be interested to hit the zoo together today, I was in and hoped Blake would give her a little warmer of a reaction.  


OMG.  They were SO sweet!  Sophie and Blake greeted each other with a hug and became more and more sweet on each other as the day went along.  They held hands and she would let go eventually and Blake would say, "You have to hold my hand!"  Besties back together again.  Pure sweetness.

We went into a little area where you can feed the birds.  Sophie's mom bought the kids a little cup to feed the birds and we started to go in the "cage area".  One lady walked out and said, "That was awesome, you will love it!  They even land on your arms and head!"  Not what a person with a bird phobia wants to hear.  I hung out near the back where the door was, because yes, I'm RIDICULOUS and the kids were loving watching the birds up close and getting to feed them.  No fear.  Yes, my almost four year old is braver than this almost 31 year old.  Ugh.  Also, there were lots of bees out so I got to have that fear in full effect as well.  When there were several bees hanging out on the stroller by the handle, I seriously thought for a minute that I could just leave the stroller behind. (kids were not in the stroller!!!) I have issues.  

And just have to end with a picture of my sweetest little doodle bug! And once the carousel ended 60 seconds after this happy picture was taken, melt down city trying to get off.  *sigh*

 No less than five minutes into our car ride home, both boys were passed out.  Such a fun day! 

My Little Miracle Blake

**Feeling a little reminiscent these days, as we approach my first born's FOURTH birthday**
Getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) was a trying experience for me.  I think that journey helped me cherish things during my pregnancy and after a little more deeply.  I still think of Blake as my little miracle baby.  When I was pregnant and thought about having this baby and the thought of "sharing" him with people, at least right away made me sad.  So, one of the decisions I made was I didn't want any one staying at my house right after we got home with the baby.  I wanted Brad and I to figure it out on our own and enjoy the time as a new family, just us three for a bit.  And then reality smacked me in the face.  Brad and I were driving home from the hospital and I looked at him and kind of panicked.  There were no nurses or doctors coming back with us.  We had to just figure out how to care for another life?  A tiny, precious, new life?  On our own?  I think I needed my mommy.  So, my mommy I called and she literally dropped everything, packed a bag and met us at our house.  My mom stayed with us for about a week I believe.  And thank goodness.  I had a Horrible recovery.  Horrible with a capital H.  I was in such bad shape, I couldn't even take my sweet Blake to the hospital for his jaundice issues.  My mom helped Brad at the hospital with our new baby boy.  She helped me feed Blake a bottle with my pumped milk at all hours of the night.  She helped with his first bath.  More than anything she brought me comfort and confidence to be a mom on my own.  I can not ever express how grateful I am for her presence during that time.  I can not express how grateful I am that she was in good enough health at the time to do that. 

 (Blake, a few days old with Grandma)

Crazy how quickly things change.  A few months later my mom was in the hospital.  Her health declining rapidly with no answers.  My mom was finally diagnosed with an incredibly rare auto immune disorder, odds of winning the lottery greater than getting this.  And by the time it was diagnosed my mom had been through so much, countless blood transfusions, blood filling her lungs and her kidneys had completely failed.  My mom was in the hospital for months.  At one point, in January of '09, she was in the hospital in very bad shape.  My aunt was already coming in town for a scheduled visit with the boys.  We called my brother and uncle to let them know how bad of shape my mom was in.  And it was probably a good idea for them to come in town because honestly, we didn't know if she was going to make it through.  My mom's room at the time was right next door to the waiting room.  Blood started filling my mom's lungs and she literally felt like she was drowning.  My mom felt like this was her end.  She kicked us all out of the room, with exception to my dad, because she couldn't bare for us to see her in this suffering.  We kissed her and said goodbye, praying fervently that this was not in fact the end.  My aunt, my uncle, my brother, my husband, my eight month old baby Blake, all sat in the waiting room.  Trying to stay strong.  Trying not to lose it.  But there was Blake, obviously oblivious to the magnitude of the situation.  He squealed and laughed and squealed some more from I couldn't even tell you.  My mom has since told me, that she literally felt like she was slipping away and was ready to let go.  She was ready to be done with the pain and suffering and was "giving up".  And then she heard her Blake's sweet voice and giggles from the next room.  And she fought.  She fought hard.  She was wheeled away minutes after that to ICU where she had tubes helping her breathe.  It was such a scary time.  But she fought and won.  She went through months of grueling dialysis and often times felt like giving up.  But she fought and won.  Blake holds an incredibly special place in my mom's heart because of that day.  

 (taken in hospital right after she came back out of ICU)

Blake isn't just my miracle baby.  He's my mom's too.  My mom has endless patience for Blake that I tend to not have so much!  We go to her house, he sits on her lap and she lets him help her play Words With Friends.  She tells him, "Put the S next to the T." And she patiently waits for him to put the letter in the right square.  They sit doing this all afternoon.  My heart always feels so full watching them together.  Our sweet "Miracle Blake".