The Long Road

The last year in the Jones house has been a bit turbulent emotionally to say the least. Its been a year filled with lots of negative pregnancy tests (think of the money wasted), a very emotional Brooke, the loss of a pregnancy, a very emotional Brooke, lots and lots of medical tests with some not so great results, oh and did I mention a very emotional Brooke?
Yes, this past year has been one of the most difficult times in my life, but the lessons I have learned this year have been some of the greatest. I have learned how important faith is and I have certainly reconnected to my own faith. I have learned while some things can be going so wrong, there is still so much to be grateful for. I have truly amazing friends and family, a nice roof over my head, two great dogs and a job I love. Most of all though I have learned so much about my best friend and husband, Brad. You can learn so much about a person and what they’re made of when you’re going through a hard time. Brad has been my rock. He lifts me up when I get down, and at the same time understands that its okay to feel down sometimes and lets me feel those emotions too. He is my constant state of positive though and stayed strong enough at times for the both of us and for that I am eternally grateful.
So now the long road has led us to the most unbelievable place…PREGNANCY! I still at times can’t believe it’s true. A specialist we saw only two days after I took a home pregnancy test (took 8 weeks to get in his office, so wasn’t canceling that appointment!) told us we had a 15% chance of conceiving (well it seems we jumped that hurdle) and if we did become pregnant, it was almost a guarantee of a miscarriage. He said of course God willing this pregnancy will make it, but if not, our best option of pregnancy without a miscarriage would be a special form of IVF, costing somewhere around $14,000. Oh what wonderful news. But none of that could really matter to me at the time. In fact I was sitting in his office pregnant and I had to hold on tight to that fact. Actually I’ve had 2 pregnancies in one year when he was telling me I only had a 15% chance of one. Miracles happen all the time that laugh in science’s face. This baby is my miracle. As one of my best friends told me, this baby knows how much it is loved, even before he or she was conceived and it is going to do everything in its power to hold on to meet us.
I have known since I was a very little girl that when I grew up I was going to be a mom. It was the one certainty that has always been there for me. I was blessed enough to find Brad to be my husband and the father of my future children. I couldn’t think of anyone in the world I’d rather have a family with. We tried to do it the right way….waiting several years into our marriage to build stability and enjoy our time as just husband and wife. So when Brad told me he was ready, it was the happiest time in my life. Its funny how you spend so much time worrying and preventing pregnancy and then when you finally want it, it’s so hard to achieve it. But I am now so much more grateful for this baby growing inside me because of the road we took to get here. I feel like I will love this baby that much more for what we went through to have them. I feel it will make me that much more of a better mommy and now sitting here pregnant its easy to say all of the adversity we faced to get here was well worth it and yes, I’d go through it all again.