My Little Miracle Blake

**Feeling a little reminiscent these days, as we approach my first born's FOURTH birthday**
Getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) was a trying experience for me.  I think that journey helped me cherish things during my pregnancy and after a little more deeply.  I still think of Blake as my little miracle baby.  When I was pregnant and thought about having this baby and the thought of "sharing" him with people, at least right away made me sad.  So, one of the decisions I made was I didn't want any one staying at my house right after we got home with the baby.  I wanted Brad and I to figure it out on our own and enjoy the time as a new family, just us three for a bit.  And then reality smacked me in the face.  Brad and I were driving home from the hospital and I looked at him and kind of panicked.  There were no nurses or doctors coming back with us.  We had to just figure out how to care for another life?  A tiny, precious, new life?  On our own?  I think I needed my mommy.  So, my mommy I called and she literally dropped everything, packed a bag and met us at our house.  My mom stayed with us for about a week I believe.  And thank goodness.  I had a Horrible recovery.  Horrible with a capital H.  I was in such bad shape, I couldn't even take my sweet Blake to the hospital for his jaundice issues.  My mom helped Brad at the hospital with our new baby boy.  She helped me feed Blake a bottle with my pumped milk at all hours of the night.  She helped with his first bath.  More than anything she brought me comfort and confidence to be a mom on my own.  I can not ever express how grateful I am for her presence during that time.  I can not express how grateful I am that she was in good enough health at the time to do that. 

 (Blake, a few days old with Grandma)

Crazy how quickly things change.  A few months later my mom was in the hospital.  Her health declining rapidly with no answers.  My mom was finally diagnosed with an incredibly rare auto immune disorder, odds of winning the lottery greater than getting this.  And by the time it was diagnosed my mom had been through so much, countless blood transfusions, blood filling her lungs and her kidneys had completely failed.  My mom was in the hospital for months.  At one point, in January of '09, she was in the hospital in very bad shape.  My aunt was already coming in town for a scheduled visit with the boys.  We called my brother and uncle to let them know how bad of shape my mom was in.  And it was probably a good idea for them to come in town because honestly, we didn't know if she was going to make it through.  My mom's room at the time was right next door to the waiting room.  Blood started filling my mom's lungs and she literally felt like she was drowning.  My mom felt like this was her end.  She kicked us all out of the room, with exception to my dad, because she couldn't bare for us to see her in this suffering.  We kissed her and said goodbye, praying fervently that this was not in fact the end.  My aunt, my uncle, my brother, my husband, my eight month old baby Blake, all sat in the waiting room.  Trying to stay strong.  Trying not to lose it.  But there was Blake, obviously oblivious to the magnitude of the situation.  He squealed and laughed and squealed some more from I couldn't even tell you.  My mom has since told me, that she literally felt like she was slipping away and was ready to let go.  She was ready to be done with the pain and suffering and was "giving up".  And then she heard her Blake's sweet voice and giggles from the next room.  And she fought.  She fought hard.  She was wheeled away minutes after that to ICU where she had tubes helping her breathe.  It was such a scary time.  But she fought and won.  She went through months of grueling dialysis and often times felt like giving up.  But she fought and won.  Blake holds an incredibly special place in my mom's heart because of that day.  

 (taken in hospital right after she came back out of ICU)

Blake isn't just my miracle baby.  He's my mom's too.  My mom has endless patience for Blake that I tend to not have so much!  We go to her house, he sits on her lap and she lets him help her play Words With Friends.  She tells him, "Put the S next to the T." And she patiently waits for him to put the letter in the right square.  They sit doing this all afternoon.  My heart always feels so full watching them together.  Our sweet "Miracle Blake".