Why Google is the DEVIL

Being a mom is such a great gift. There is so much crazy love that I possess for my children and I just want to know, without a doubt, they are okay...to protect them always, to keep them healthy and safe. However, being a parent, there is so much out of our control when it comes to our children and it drives.me.crazy. Today was Brady's gastro appointment, last visit three months ago. I had been anxious to see where Brady's weight was and get the doctor's thoughts on both his weight and labs that the pulmonologist had run. Brady had gained a half a pound, which was better than holding steady. We talked in length about his weight and how the doctor still feels we just have got to find a way to keep pumping as many extra calories into Brady as possible and he will eventually catch up. But after reviewing his labs something did stand out to him. One of Brady's levels was abnormally low in his kidney function tests. Something the pulmonologist had dismissed completely. But it didn't sit right with Dr. R. It wasn't so low that he was rushing to do emergency testing or anything but enough to raise a small red flag. And he noticed it had come back abnormal on a previous blood panel he had done as well. He sat there thinking silently for awhile and then went to consult a fellow doctor in his group to get his opinion. *An aside... One thing I love about this doctor is his devotion to Brady's case when we are in his office and him not dismissing concerns and results* When he returned, he asked if Brady would pee in a cup. I knew that would sooo not happen. A urinalysis would help give a better idea if there is something going on with his kidneys. He didn't want to put Brady through doing a catheter and after discussing options it was decided he would send a note to his pediatrician and when we go in for his two year check up the week after next, when we first get there they will put a bag on him (hmmmm) and hope he pees while we are there, collect the urine and send away for analysis. And he sent a note to the pulmonologist, when we go back in a few weeks to repeat his blood work to make sure we look at these #'s again. As Dr. R. reassured me before we left his office, he does not think this is the issue causing Brady's lack of weight gain, but wants to make sure all of his i's are dotted and t's are crossed. I left feeling optimistic because his delivery was so not alarming. He tried to make me feel that this was a very small possibility and I felt reassured that Brady is OKAY. Just more milkshakes and chocolate cake, weeee!
And then google happened. Why do I do this to myself??? Seriously, why? I found this...

How do the kidneys affect a child's growth?

In addition to removing wastes and extra fluid from the blood, the kidneys perform several functions important for a child's growth, including

• helping regulate the amounts and interactions of nutrients from food, including minerals like calcium, phosphorus, and vitamin D
• maintaining the proper acid-base balance in the blood
• producing the hormone erythropoietin (EPO), which promotes red blood cell production
• playing a possible role in the metabolism of growth hormone, also called somatotropin

Calcium and vitamin D are essential for normal bone growth. The kidneys turn vitamin D into an active hormone called calcitriol that helps bones absorb the right amount of calcium from blood. The kidneys also eliminate excess phosphorus. If the kidneys are impaired, bones do not get enough calcium either because the kidneys fail to turn vitamin D into calcitriol or because they let too much phosphorus build up in the blood. The excess phosphorus draws calcium into the blood and blocks calcium from getting to the bones.

Me again... That kind of would explain completely Brady's lack of weight gain and low vitamin d levels. Worry, worry, worry. I hate it. I hate the not knowing and not being in control. I suck at this part of parenting. I fail this part miserably. I guess that's why Brad is such a good partner for me. I'll try to let his positivity rub off on me over the next few weeks while I do that thing I also suck at...waiting.

Cookie Monster

We secretly replaced Brady's current "name brand" of cookies with the store brand. Let's see if he notices...

Um, yeah. Our cookie monster is a cookie snob. He totally noticed. Whenever Brady likes a certain food that has any sort of caloric content we let him have as much of it as he wants. When Brady turned about a year old I think it was he became obsessed with Nilla Wafers. Its the first thing he asks for when he wakes up, he eats them alllll day long. I always carry a stock pile in my bag when we're out. He's obsessed. And appropriately, Brad nick named him cookie monster. At the store the other day, Brad had the great idea to try the store brand as it is half the price of the original. And the originals are kind of pricey?! And we go through at least an ENTIRE box a week. At least. So we did the switcharoo this morning. Wouldn't eat them. And he told me not to ever pull a fast one like this on him again either. Okay, maybe he didn't say that last part.

Week in iPhone Pics

Blake is one silly boy. He loves to wrap himself up in blankets like he's in a cocoon. We called him a cocoon and he said, I'm a raccoon?! Silly boy.

Blake's blue tongue after enjoying a lollipop. He looks like a grown up kid in this picture to me.

Brady enjoying an ice cream cone after dinner last weekend. He was in LOVE.

After the dinner mentioned above, we headed to the balloon festival. Our 2nd annual visit. I got no pictures of the kids. Lame. This is the lone picture I snapped with my phone. Proof we were there. :)

We had great weather this week (minus Thursday) so we headed outside lots and lots. Here is one I snapped of Blakers.

Blake is in such a picky eating stage. He eats nothing, but everything of what he does eat. Anyways, tonight for dinner he proclaimed he wanted soup. Tomato soup. He won't eat a peanut butter sandwich but he'll eat tomato soup?! Crazy kid. And he devoured it. Proof is in the pic.

And I don't have a pic from Blake's game Saturday, but I have to record this memory. It was a moment that I was bursting with pride. So proud of my sweet boy. And reassurance Brad and I must be doing something right raising our boys. Blake was running around in the pack of kids on the field and one of his teammates got pushed down. The entire pack of kids kept going down the field. But Blake stayed behind, reached out his hand and helped up his teammate from the ground. What a big heart this boy already has. I hope that never changes.

#10

Brad and I have been waiting for today to arrive since I think we found out we were having a boy almost four years ago. (by the way, geez! FOUR YEARS AGO?? Really?!) We both grew up playing organized sports and couldn't wait for the days of soccer, t-ball and hockey practice with our own little ones. Today Blake had his first ever soccer game!! The one part we were not looking forward to...waking up early. We are all late sleepers in this house. Most days Blake doesn't wake up until after 8 and he had to be at the field for a pre-game practice at 8:15. Waking Blake up early usually results in "the beast" coming out as Brad likes to call it. However, Blake was SO excited himself that at 7 on the dot I heard his door open and close, open and close. I went to investigate. He was laying in bed wide awake. He woke up excited for his game but decided to stay in his bed because the sun was not up yet. (we used to always tell him if he woke up and the sun wasn't up to go back to bed) Could I love this boy anymore?! We got Blake decked out in his shin pads and soccer gear and headed to the field, one EXCITED three year old in tow.

Blake waiting for direction and looking mighty handsome...


My three boys...
The kids did a few pre-game stretches with their coach and Brady wanted to take part. It was such cuteness...

The game itself was pretty comical. The first soccer game for all these kids resulted in lots of confusion but LOTS of cuteness too! Blake did so good and would keep looking back at Brad for reassurance that he was doing what he was supposed to.
Action shots of our little #10...

Blake was pretty psyched to get a Capri Sun for all his good soccer playing...
And Blake with his PROUD momma...

RESULTS

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I’m not a patient person. Although, you probably already knew that. So, I waited a grand total of three weeks for Brady’s test results. And waiting does not make me be the best person I can be. We met with the pulmonologist this morning and my awesome dad went with us to the appointment so I could have another set of ears and person to ask questions that I may forget to ask. My dad, after all, is rather experienced in the medical world. I think he might be able to have a medical degree at this point. The results were not normal, but they also weren’t off the charts in a bad way. There is still nothing that points to the cause behind Brady’s lack of weight gain, which is FRUSTRATING. (That was me yelling by the way) I’m very anxious for Brady’s appointment with the gastro in about a week to get his thoughts on the matter. But back to these results. I was kind of hopeful Brady’s immunity that was deficient last year was back in a normal range since he’s had such a healthy summer. NOPE. He was the exact.same.level. So, he’ll continue on his course of preventative antibiotic. I guess that just shows how needed Brady being out of a daycare setting was and how healthy one can stay when not around sick kids and being diligent about hand washing when out and about! Oh and it helps when its summer and there are way less bugs going around. He was also tested against his immunity against the different strains of pneumonia since he’s now old enough he could receive a vaccine if necessary. He only has immunities against five of fourteen. Not good. So, he got the vaccine this morning. The catch? It may not work. He’ll have his blood retested in six weeks. The goal is to have his immunity go up to fight against 10/11 out of 14. But, there is a chance he’ll just stay at the low immunity level. Both of those pieces of news have me scared big time for the cold/flu season. Here is my worrying coming up again…but his weight, not good. If Brady gets a major bug it will cause his weight to drop instead of gain. Can I put him in a bubble? Dreading this coming time of year, I’ll be honest. But I also know, one can not live their life in fear. We can try to prevent bugs as much as possible, but after that it is not in our hands. And I have got to learn to let go. That is my new year’s resolution. What, not that time of year yet?

The other part of abnormal test results was Brady is deficient in Vitamin D. We asked if this could be due to his lack of milk drinking, but apparently, no. It’s mainly caused by not enough sun exposure without sunscreen on. Which I felt that I had been good about doing, but apparently not. So, another medicine regimen (or supplement rather) to add to his daily routine. UGH. He’ll be retested for this as well in six weeks. There was another few things that showed to be abnormal but the doctor is not going to show concern over them unless they are still abnormal on the next blood draw. Not going to even mention that unless I need to. See me not worrying about something unless I need to? I’m growing! Now, let’s pray I can literally get Brady to do the same.

Snuggles

(Sweet Brady snuggling me on the couch)

Is there anything sweeter than baby snuggles? I love and miss the feeling of having my little bitty babies sleeping on my chest or snuggled up in my arms. I now have an almost two year old (EEEK) and an almost three and a half year old. Obviously beyond the newborn snuggle stage. Blake never wants to snuggle unless he's sick. (Although, he is giving out more and more hugs these days.) But I do have one snuggler. Mr. Brady man. I just wanted to remember this stage and what one of my favorite times of day is...just after nap time. Our daily ritual when Brady wakes up from his nap is we sit on the couch and snuggle, allowing him to fully wake up. Some days it is only a few minutes and other days it could be a good half hour. I lay on the couch with my little sweet guy snuggled up against me and try to resist squeezing him and giving him too many kisses. I fully realize our current little ritual will be gone all too fast and I try to soak up every moment of it.

An aside from the snuggles: I still have no test results for this snuggling boy. I went a whole week without giving it too much thought or worry. And then the one week mark went by and the anxious feelings and 'what if' thoughts started creeping up in my head. Brady has been just pure joy this past week. He started this thing where he hops all around the house or the park just giggling the entire time. He'll grab a ball and throw it up in the air and then fall on his bottom and just laugh and laugh with a smile a mile long on his face. SO CUTE. As Brad said, he just has such ZEST for LIFE. And on day 10 of waiting for the results, the images of this happiest boy in the world started making my heart ache and then the tears came. Those stupid, no good serving, what if thoughts came creeping up... What if something ever took away his zest. What if... I had a loooong crying talk with my super awesome main squeeze a few nights back and of course his positivity and supportive nature came blaring through and lifted me back up. And I buried those thoughts way down. And a call into the nurse the next day to inquire, test results?? One of the things they are testing can take awhile, may be another entire week. (information I could have used a week ago) I know there is no sense of worrying unless there is something to worry about. So I'm reminding myself to focus on the snuggles, the wonderful snuggles, and the amazing smiles and giggles of my two awesome boys.