Keeping Up with the Joneses: Absence

It feels weird when I'm away from this space for this long. I really enjoy keeping up with the blog for friends and family, but mostly for me...So I have our family journal to look back on. But, I've been sick. FOR THE ENTIRE MONTH OF OCTOBER. My days and weeks have been FILLED to the brim with doctors visits and tests and more sticks in my arm for blood tests than I think should be allowed. Its been a really frustrating month. Frustrating because we were waiting for a medical answer to explain weeks of fever and pain and fatigue and abnormal labs. Frustrating because I've had to lay on the couch or in bed and watch as life passed me by. I could not cook or clean (I know that sounds so horrible) but when you can't do it, it really can drive you quite mad. I can not be a wife. I can not be a mom. I have grown so tired of telling my boys that mommy can't do x or y because mommy doesn't feel well. I am pretty certain they have grown tired of hearing that. They are constantly saying they want mommy to feel better. Which breaks my heart and makes it full all at the same time, if that is even possible. Brad has had to juggle work and helping care for the boys and the house and me all at the same time, which is quite stressful and makes me feel so guilty I can't help more. Thankfully he had his mom in town for a lot of the month to help him with meals and the boys, but its still been very hard for him. I've hated missing family outings and soccer games. Not getting to see my Blakers' score his goals. Mommy guilt to the max. I spent a night in the hospital and while I was grateful to be finally getting answers and doctors actually willing to put their heads together to help me, the feeling of not knowing how long you'd be spending nights away from your babies and husband is very sad. Thankfully it was a quick adventure and I was home before I knew it. If you could have witnessed the greeting my Brady gave me when I came home Friday evening, your heart would have melted to absolute mush. I still have a bit before I'm feeling strong and healthy but grateful my diagnosis is nothing more serious and know things will be back to normal, whatever that means, soon.
I will have to backtrack at some point and post about Brady's birthday party. I think that is the extent of blog worthy posts since there hasn't been too much picture taking or excitement going on.
There has been one very significant milestone this month however, we are FINALLY, OFFICIALLY a pacifier free household. I know Brady is three for petes sake, but he LOVED his paci. It soothed him so much, especially when sleeping and I was just DREADING the whole taking away thing. But we happened to lose it and not have a back up and I didn't feel well enough to go to the store to get one and Brad had his hands full so we just told Brady it was lost. There was not a single tear shred. There have been no sleepless nights. MIRACLE. He asked for it several times for several days but for the last two days hasn't asked for it once. Its been over a week now. What a blessing how easy that was.
I'm sure the posts will still be few and far between around here over the next few weeks as I still try to juggle two kids, school activities, Halloween fun, doctor appointments, doctor appointments and more doctor appointments, all while trying to get my health and energy back. Its hard. It will be hard, but we'll get through it. I have this face on the bed bringing me "candy" in a Halloween bucket while I lay in bed right now to "make mommy better."