Sunday Sadness

It is Sunday evening and the holidays and time off work are ending faster than I care for it to. As I sit here I have a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. Why? Because tomorrow morning I return to the real world, which involves me sitting behind a desk all day while Mr. Blake is at school. The thought of being away from him again all day, five days a week is leaving me feeling a little broken hearted. I have spent a lot of time with Blake these past few weeks and I have loved every second of all this extra time together. Yes, some days have left me feeling exhausted, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Blake is growing so fast, his babiness rapidly depleting, leaving me desperate to hold onto it for as long as I can, wanting to soak in every minute with him. I watch Blake so curious of the world around him, learning something new everyday, doing a new cute trick every day and I fall more in love with him every day.
Brad and I took advantage of a few hours that we did spend away from Blake on Friday by doing something we hadn't done in a long time...we saw a movie. Its weird how sometimes after leaving a movie it makes you look at your own life and question certain things in it. One of the parts was the wife/mom saying she did not want to be one of those moms that only sees their child for an hour every night before bed because they spent the day working. I started crying. I am one of those moms and it is heart wrenching at times. It is a constant struggle and I know some days, some weeks are harder than others to deal with it. Today, I can't imagine going back to being that mom, the mom that spends more time at the office than with their child. I will go back to missing some of his new daily tricks and I wish there was an easy solution to take away that pain, that guilt. For now...I count down the days until MLK day, i.e., long weekend.