Roller Coaster

One week ago today, we were admitted into Children's for what ended up being a 48 hour stay. Its already been a week and I have to say I'm still a mess. I have been a roller coaster of emotions and I am not handling things so well. Every time I start to think about our stay, I get so frustrated and angry and upset. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I feel like I've been so strong these last few years with Brady's health journey. Have I had my moments? Yes. But, I feel like they have been few and far between and I have always kept my composure. So why am I letting this affect me so?
I have already admitted that I have very little patience. Well, I'll let you in on another character flaw of mine...I have a hard time asking for help, admitting that I can not take on everything by myself. I came into our hospital stay already some what sleep deprived. The first night there was horrendous and I went into Thursday with no sleep and I mean NO SLEEP. I do not function well tired. Never have and I'm sure I never will. My brother and dad kept saying let Brad stay there over night so you can get one night of sleep yourself. Let Brad stay while you at least go shower or nap or just get outside. I had two friends ask if they could come up and visit to keep my company. But I thought no one else will know what questions to ask the doctor if they come while I am gone. No one will remember exactly what the doctor told them if they come while I am gone. No one will be able to comfort Brady like I can while I am gone. I thought, I do not want to burden my friends to come up here to be with me when they have their own lives and their own families to take care of. But the thing about it, Brad is a very capable human being. He would have been just fine dealing with the doctors and relaying the information back. He loves Brady with all of his heart and Brady loves him with all of his. Brad would have been just fine comforting him. Friends that are offering to help, are offering because they want to help. Let them. Three days with no sleep, two days without stepping foot outside, two days without leaving the hospital room or showering, worried and frustrated in a hospital, do not allow one to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. Lesson learned, believe me. I need to be better at asking for help.
I am still trying to get caught up on sleep. Either I am not able to sleep because of my mind not wanting to stop thinking or Brady has had a few rough nights too, we are still not getting sleep. I took advice of one of my girlfriends, to not keep it all inside. I had a really good cry yesterday while the boys were playing in the other room. And then I pulled myself together and cleaned out both boys' closets and dressers and totally went OCD with organizing them. And even though I'm still not rested, I have to say a good cry and cleaning is really good therapy.