BRADY (also, the longest post ever....)

I promise I will not spend all of 2011 blogging about Brady's health or at least God hope I don't have a reason to. I am sure if you are bothering to stop along and read this lil blog you may get tired of hearing about another doctor appointment, another illness, another test, but I'm not going to apologize. I use this blog to capture every aspect of my family's lives...an online journal. The good, the bad and everything in between. When Brad and I were having dinner a few nights ago to celebrate another year of marriage under our belt, I was reflecting back on the past year. Its been one hell of a year. Every single month starting with January we've dealt with some sort of health issue with Brady...January starting it off with the dreaded RSV and a trip to the ER. We experienced probably the single scariest day of our lives on September 11th, when Brady stopped breathing. Brady has undergone a ridiculous amount of tests and I spent many days and weeks of this year in such a horrible state of worry about Brady's health and what it would mean for his future. But we've also had one ridiculously amazing year full of miracles. My amazing nephew was born in April and after several years filled with so many bad days and battling her life at times, my mom received a miracle in October when she received a new lease on life and a functioning kidney. And Brad and I have had an entire year being Blake and Brady's parent's, getting to be witness of their greatness, watching them grow and watching life through the eyes of little children. They are two amazing boys and fill our lives with so much joy and love and an abundance of smiles and giggles. They bring such meaning to our lives. I want nothing more than to have two healthy children and for them to not suffer and be able to live their lives as a "normal" child. I've been scared, so so scared, at the possibilities of Brady having his "normal" stripped away. I thank God every day for these boys and for almost all of Brady's latest tests coming back normal. I know we could be in such a different place right now. A bad place and I am grateful for where we are. There are so many families that have seriously ill children and my heart breaks for them. I really can not imagine.
We met yesterday with the pulmonologist to discuss Brady's one test result that did come back abnormal. His IGA immunity came back significantly low. IGA is your immunity that helps you fight against nasal/respiratory issues. To summarize, the doctor said Brady's number was so low that any sort of respiratory related virus he comes into contact with, Brady will catch and once he catches it, his body isn't able to fight it well and most times even with one antibiotic, another infection develops on top of that so another medicine is needed, thus explaining our battle of illness over the last year and Brady's struggle to pack on the pounds. He is optimistic Brady will outgrow this condition, however most likely will not be until he is 5 or 6 years old, although could be sooner, could be later. Could be never. Brady will be on a preventative course of a low dosage antibiotic he'll take 3 days a week, indefinitely. This will not keep him from catching a bug, but the hope is instead to reduce the impact of the bug. If he develops a fever or anything gets into his chest, a stronger antibiotic will be needed. The best defense is to prevent catching the bug in the first place. To not be in "places" that are a high risk factor for being exposed, especially during the months of October-April, i.e., daycare. So now I have the gut wrenching decision to make on if I quit my job or not. There is no easy answer. Yes, Brady's health is my number one concern. But there are so many other factors involved, its not an easy decision. I have to weigh everything, one huge point being I'd have to take Blake out of school too and he adores his school. He adores his friends. He has gained so much knowledge as well. He is so smart from everything he's learned there. I feel like I'd be failing Blake to help Brady if I quit. If I keep them there, I feel like I'm failing Brady to help Blake. Of course there are other factors too, but I don't need to share all those here. So I have an internal struggle going on.
I want nothing but greatness for my boys. I want nothing but for them to be healthy and happy and it seems like the next few years may be a struggle for us. Yes, again, I am SO grateful it is nothing more serious. So grateful. I just am having a small pity party for myself at the moment that things aren't going to be all sunshine and roses for awhile. But I'll soon suck it up, be optimistic and count all the many blessings in my life. Here's to hoping 2011 brings good health to ALL my loved ones.

2,555 Days Ago...

Seven years ago today I married the love of my life. I met Brad when I was 17, on a blind date (thanks Kris!!)...who would have thought we'd end up husband and wife with two amazing boys?! The past 7 years have certainly been the best years of my life and there is no one I'd rather have by my side. Brad, thank you for filling my days with endless love, with laughter, for being my rock always and being the most amazing father to our two beyond wonderful boys. I love you beyond words and look forward to many many more magical years with you!
Brad and I on our honeymoon. Oh how young we were. Oh how ridiculously blonde my hair looks. Not sure how its possible, but I love Brad so much more today than I did back then.

Good Times

I've had the most fun in one weekend that I've had in quite a while. I think all of us did. All week long I had promised Blake we could bake Christmas cookies together on Saturday. And I promised myself all week long that I'd not lose my patience in the process. Blake had SO much fun and I loved watching him have so much fun. The cookies did not look pretty, I mean you can't even tell what the shapes are supposed to be, but what do you expect when you let a 2.5 year old do all the work?!
After cookie fun and nap, we loaded up and went to Frisco for a hot air balloon lighting and Christmas light viewing. Of course Blake still has his obsession for hot air balloons and he could not have been any more excited. He loved it and again I LOVED getting to see him light up with excitement. They let you get up right next to the balloons and when the fire would go off, Brady would cry he was so scared, poor thing!




I mentioned in an earlier post about that really cool house set to music. Well, that makes me laugh how excited I got over that. The entire Frisco Square was covered in lights and set to music. It was so flippin cool! It was hard to snap a picture of the lights and this is the best one I got which is not good at all.
After lights we headed to Mr. Gatti's and ate pizza and played games and met Santa. Because why wouldn't Santa be at Mr. Gatti's?!

Then it was Sunday. Our grown up day of fun. One of my best friends works for the Dallas Cowboys. Brad and I are big time fans but had never been to the new stadium because our cheapness trumps our love of the team. I mentioned to Diana earlier in the week how we hadn't had the privelage of going to the new stadium and she couldn't believe she had never taken us. So she GRACIOUSLY invited Brad and I out for Sunday's game, the last home game of the season. She gave us a tour around the ridiculously amazing stadium and then we had the luxury of watching the game in her suite. I told her that now I don't have to get Brad anything for Christmas!!

I know I'm a huge dork for taking this picture and now posting it, but seriously the whole day was complete VIP treatment, including our parking spot. I had to take a picture of it because we were only a few steps from the entrance.
Diana worked her booty off the last several years to help with the completion of this incredible stadium. What does she have to show for it? Her own brick on the sidewalk. I thought it was super cool.
Diana took us back into the offices that are located in the stadium and there was a replica of the stadium they used as a marketing tool before the stadium was built. Again, thought it was kind of cool, so had to snap a pic.
And the rest speak for themselves...

Who Knew?

I am willing to bet you'll never guess what caused this mess on Blake's face....

....a single Flinstone's vitamin. Never ever knew those things were so messy!
*(by the way this picture was before Blake's haircut!)

Holiday Awesomeness

Blake is at the age where he is getting into the holidays and it has been so much fun. Every night Blake would come running through the door from school shouting, "I light the candles! I light the candles!" He loves reading his book about Chanukah and learning what it all means and has loved the 8 night long celebration. Chanukah is now over, which was a HUGE disappointment to Blake. One advantage Blake gets being in this family however is Blake gets to celebrate Christmas as well. He's LOVING the Christmas lights and tree and anytime he sees lights on someone's house he shouts, "I see Christmas momma! I see Christmas daddy!' So cute.
On the way home from dinner last night I told Brad to drive by a few houses to look at lights for Blakers. He drove around to find a house we had seen off one of the streets we drive by every day that looked like it had a good display. Um, oh my gosh did it ever. One of the coolest things...ever! We've all seen on the internet those houses that are synched up to music right?
Well we saw it in person. They had lit up in lights a radio station so we turned the radio to it and it was Trans Siberian Orchestra in unison with the lights. Seriously, so friggin cool!!! I feel like I might need to drive by every night.

Exhale

Ahhhh...I feel like I can breathe again. Today was the first time in a little less than a week I haven't become violently ill due to my ridiculous anxiety. What, too much information? Friday finally brought some answers and my sweet Brady does not have CF and his biopsy results came back normal. The only piece of abnormal test results was Brady's blood work testing his immunities, which showed Brady's isn't working as it should and is now on preventative antibiotics indefinitely. Not exactly sure what these results all mean and what it means for us going forward, but its part of the answer and I feel like we can start moving forward. We'll meet with the doctor the week after Christmas to talk about it all, but in the mean time, I'm done with the worries. Okay, I'm sure I'll worry, I'm a natural worrier, but I'll keep it in check at least. I feel like today was the first time in awhile that I just enjoyed the moment instead of having the what if's start to swirl in my brain and think about what may happen in the future. Enjoy the present. I need to do more of this and I really and truly did that today. Today was a perfect day to me and it didn't involve anything grand or extravagant, just a day the four of us spent together, laughing, snuggling, being happy. We spent the entire morning with music on dancing around the house. Even Brady has a killer sense of rhythm for being a 14 month old and was breaking it down! It was while I was watching the boys with smiles on their faces, dancing back and forth, that I realized how truly blessed I am and I let out a large exhale. Life is good. Enjoy the present, because it is truly a gift.

Lack of Patience

I'm trying to be patient. Really, I am. But, I think I'm done. I'm anxious. I'm scared. I'm tired of the unknown. I know I could use more of Brad's positivity and patience and just certainty that everything is going to be okay. But the what if's are growing louder in my mind as more time goes by with knowing nothing. I look at the most beautiful smile in the world and I wonder why is he having to go through this? When will it stop? Please God don't let anything be seriously wrong with this sweetest little boy. Tuesday morning we took Brady to be tested for Cystic Fibrosis. Brady who is used to being poked and prodded more than he should, was like this test aint no thang. I was so proud of him and the joy he was spreading around the clinic during the hour + we were there. Here is a picture of Mr. Brady man waiting for his arms to produce enough sweat to collect. Notice the blue tape around his arms. He was our muscle man, working up a sweat...

We were told the biopsies and blood work from last Wednesday should be back by today. Now I've been told it could be tomorrow, Friday or even next week, same with the cystic fibrosis test. Seriously, don't these people know, there is a mom who's stomach is in knots waiting for some answers?!

Gratitude

Brad and I really, desperately need a babysitter. The problem is we just don't know of anyone. My parents are the only sitters we've got and with all that my mom's gone through and continues to, we just don't have the luxury of calling them up on a whim to watch the boys. Brad and I haven't had a night away together, just the two of us, even for just a dinner, since July. On top of that we've been going through such incredible stress, its been hard (understatement) not to have a break away from it all and reconnect as husband and wife. I missed my husband. A lot. So when my parents called me at work on Friday to tell me they wanted to keep the boys this weekend, it was like we had just won the lottery. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with the boys, especially on the weekend without the stresses of the work week, but I needed to have that time with Brad too, to remember the husband of mine that doesn't involve me crying to him every day about Brady and my job.
Saturday morning we FINALLY got Blake's hair cut and then headed to Grandma & Papa's. We played and then put them down for their naps and then Brad and I started our date weekend, which involved shopping, dinner and a movie...just lots of quality time together which was just what the doctor ordered for me. I spent the first night in a long time not worrying about Brady or the stresses in my life, just enjoying the time with my best friend.
The boys had the best weekend ever themselves. After nap on Saturday they went to Northpark to look at the Trains, ate dinner at Sonny Bryan's and drove around looking at Christmas lights. Sunday morning they went to the new Children's aquarium at Fair Park. We walked in Sunday afternoon and Blake did a running jump into my arms (best feeling ever) and went a hundred miles an hour telling Brad and I about his super duper fun weekend. So sweet and so cute.
I am incredibly grateful to my parents for giving Brad and I the gift of time together and for being such amazing grandparents to our boys. We are grateful to have them in our lives, that is for sure!

Happy Hanukah!

The Saga Continues

I feel like I am in a constant state of worry with Brady. Is he eating enough? Drinking enough? Is he gaining weight? What is that rattle in his chest about? Yada yada yada. I've been worrying about today for the last week or so and I'm glad its behind me... so I can start worrying about the next test. This morning was Brady's endoscopy to get a look down his esophagus into his tummy into his upper intestine. The gastro didn't necessarily think we'd find anything but we had to rule out possible issues that is keeping Brady from growing. Have I mentioned that I love Children's? This morning went so smoothly, thanks in large part to the doctors and staff and they showed so much care for my sweet boy. He left the hospital with a Winnie the Pooh book, Eeyore stuffed animal and fireman hat. Brady had no issues during or after the procedure. The doctor didn't see anything that looked abnormal but did take several biopsies to be sure there is nothing going on behind the scenes. Yesterday we had a follow up appointment with the pulmonologist. He is at the point now where he's joined my camp of "I'm very concerned about his lack of weight gain". He's also concerned about Brady's constant respiratory issues, which he's in the midst of another sinus infection and not ever fully recovering from them. He gave me orders to have Brady's blood drawn during his procedure this morning so he wouldn't be conscious for the blood stick. Brady appreciated that!! He is checking Brady's immune system to look all at his antibodies, etc to see if his immune system is not doing what it needs to be doing. Those results along with the biopsies will be back in about a week. You know what I'll be doing over the next week?? Worrying. Then he mentioned the words I really am scared of that I thought I didn't need to worry about any more. Cystic Fibrosis. Even though I was tested and didn't show to be a carrier, the blood test apparently only tests for about 75% of the abnormalities and there is still a chance Brady could have it. I am waiting a call from Children's tomorrow or Friday to schedule that test. More worrying. Aside from the worrying I'll be loving on this guy lots and lots. He is such a cutie pie!